"Life After Life" [Working Title]

SCREEN PLAY BY JUSTIN RYSZ AND MIRANDA EVERITT

WIDE ANGLE shots of dogs wearing hats. A PUG wears a top hat and monocle, a GERMAN SHEPARD wears a World War I-era spiked helmet, a CHIUAHUA wears a sombrero and colorful serape, a CHOCOLATE LAB wears a bandana and cowboy hat, a SHEEP DOG has a propellor hat and comically oversized lollipop and an IRISH SETTER wears a cape, hat and smokes a bubble pipe.

STAR SWIPE TO

OLD LADY sits at a table in a white room, very slowly and methodically slurping a bowl of soup. A phone rings and she puts her spoon down and gets up to answer it.

STAR SWIPE TO

MONTAGE of VARIOUS PEOPLE pooping.

STAR SWIPE TO

CLOSE UP of FINGERS breaking a WISHBONE. When the bone cracks, an old timey car honking noise plays instead of the snapping sound effect.

STAR SWIPE TO

BACKWARDS film of a MAN eating a HOT DOG. The man very smoothly puts the hot dog in his butt. We notice it is lubed.

STAR SWIPE TO

MONKEY peeling a BANANA. Once it is peeled, the monkey sees ANTOHER BANANA inside. He puts it down and goes to the bathroom to shave.

MONTAGE of monkey shaving and slowly becoming a person -- first a CAVEMAN, then JIM U., then TOM, then TOM CRUISE.

TOM CRUISE/MONKEY gets into his car and on the freeway he is cut off. He gets angry and throws POO at the offender.

STAR SWIPE TO

A scene that looks like a birthday party. Something that looks like a CAKE because of the lit candles on it is set in front of the off-camera BIRTHDAY BOY. There are nine candles. Boy blows out the candles and the once happy faces in front of him look aghast.

PAN OUT to show JESUS CHRIST making the "Uh-oh" face. The cake was actually a MENORAH.

STAR SWIPE TO

A WOMAN is giving birth in a hospital. DOCTOR goes up to her with gloves on, looking determined. He rubs his hands together, reaches down to her vagina, and comes back with a cup full of water. He returns to a small group of doctors with paper cups in their hands as well. We hear woman screaming as the doctors mime sports conversations.

STAR SWIPE TO

NIGHT VISION. MAN is lying in bed asleep. ALIENS come into his bedroom surrounded by green glow. The aliens tuck the man in, kiss his forehead and leave. As they leave their glow illuminates posters that say "I BELIEVE".

STAR SWIPE TO

WOMAN goes to the ATM. She punches in her PIN and chooses to withdraw "HOTDOG". BOLOGNA comes out of the machine. The woman is very excited, and goes to the park to feed the BIRDS. Birds refuse to eat the bologna. The woman looks crestfallen.

STAR SWIPE TO

MAN goes to a pet store with his DOG. The man picks out a few cans of food, pays for them and leaves. When he gets home, he scoops the cans into a bowl.

CUT TO the dog looking eagerly at the food.

CUT TO the man sliding the dog food into a little door at what appears to be a cellar.

CUT TO CHILDREN inside, chained to the walls. The children can hardly reach the food but are happy to eat it.

STAR SWIPE TO

WIDE ANGLE of the dogs again. MAN takes IRISH SETTER on a leash to a bare white room.

CUT TO CLOSE UP of man neutring the setter.

CUT TO CLOSE UP of the testicles flying through the air in slow motion.

CUT TO testicles splasing into toilet bowl, which flushes them down.

FADE TO WHITE

TITLE 1: FOR ALL THOSE WE HAVE LOST

TITLE 2: THIS YEAR

TITLE 3: LAST YEAR

TITLE 4: AND THE YEARS TO CUM.

FADE TO BLACK

ADVANCE PRAISE FOR "Life After Life"

"The menorah cake? Classic!" - Rachael

"ITS INSANE" - Anthony

"I really don't even know what to say... other than it's the trashiest, most brillant piece of work ever." -Brad

"Star Swipe ...? Really, Miranda. Red Barn Doors." - Alan

"wow thats crazy" - The Gothkin

"Is it so horrible it's ironic? Or is it so ironic it's horrible?" - Sterephonic

"You shut up. It's fucking great." - Dennis

"I am so amused. Thanks Miranda." - Nate

"If this were produced and directed right it could be really sublime, or at least like a less weird Matthew Barney." - jpm

"you're overthinking it. it's funny. STAR SWIPE TO" - Aaron

"I read your script. I really wanna have sex now." -Aaron Z.